“Reminiscing the Past, ADORE to ABOMINATION”

          Not a lot of people try to spend or at least take time to read other people’s blog and get updated on  the latest happenings on other people’s life because they thought that blogs are just nothing, nothing but a crap. Well, nobody wants to deal with another people’s crap you know, they've all got their own bullshit to clean after unless you care with a certain person and you wanna know everything that is happening about him/her. 

          I don’t really know what exact words to say, I also don’t know what am I doing here in front of my laptop, literally I’m typing but I got no idea why am I doing this, you know, sharing such kind of stuff like this in public.  I think I really need a rest from a long day in school, my body wants to but my mind is numb, seems it doesn’t feel anything and it wants to do things that it only want such as forcing me to type here. These past days I couldn’t sleep at all, feeling uncomfortable, maybe insomnia is a good reason to blame, something’s bothering me and it was the thing that happened in my past; yes my damnable and stupid past.

          Who can forget the way how people around me criticize my moves, the way I did this and the way I did that, the way how I decide on things like this and on things like that but despite of those criticisms majority of the people I know, I always hear them saying “I really ADORE you”. These past days, I’m always alone inside my room and lying in my bed, late at night, memories from the past suddenly comes inside my mind, and whenever I remember them, I was really worried thinking that, what if those people who adores me will be given the opportunity to know what happened with my bitter past? Will they stay that way or everything will be different? In my perception the word Adore will turn into Abomination. I admit that I’ve ruined my life. I haven’t been in touch with my self lately. I was really confused, I feel like I’ve fallen into a black, vague and vacuous whole and that I haven’t been in the real world for the past days. It’s been 6 years since that thing happened but the trauma is trapped inside my mind and seems that it doesn't want to leave me alone. It was really hard to forget but it’s already here. If only I could alter the events.